[pct-l] Solo Female - Leaving Boyfriend At Home
Dan Engleman
danengleman at yahoo.com
Tue Jan 22 15:54:12 CST 2013
Joan,
So great to hear your experiences. Love the sage advice for those left on the home front. I burst out laughing every time I imagine your (1997 - PCT)pre-hike preparation. That is just hilarious, although I am sure it wasn't so funny at the time ...
Wow ... re-supplying someone for over 14,000 miles ... if you get bored in your retirement you can always "go pro" and help someone that is not so fortunate to be partnered with a saint (for a nominal fee of course) ...
It is funny that you begin by sharing your "mistakes" (great record by the way). Pete does the same thing. There was only one place where I didn't get my package (Big Bear), which is pretty good since I was always 1-3 days ahead of where he thought I was. My favorite mistake was when he was trying to add some variety to my packages and he ended up sending me enough dehydrated spaghetti sauce to feed an entire army. (I had made a huge kettle of spaghetti sauce and I ran out of time to break it up into individual meals). I just smiled (and groaned) and tossed it into the hiker box. I still don't think he has forgiven himself for sending me the wrong pair of tennis shoes; he sent a pair that I had trained in, even though I had purchased 3 pair of new ones in a larger size; my feet did (in fact) grow too much to fit into the old shoes. Again, I dumped them into the hiker box; by the time I got to Mt Shasta, my tennis shoes
were being held together by duct tape. I must say that the brain is a wonderful thing; I forgot about being able to feel every single rock under my feet, once I got my new shoes ....
Dan (711)
________________________________
From: "bluetrail at aol.com" <bluetrail at aol.com>
To: danengleman at yahoo.com
Cc: pct-l at backcountry.net
Sent: Tuesday, January 22, 2013 12:33 PM
Subject: Re: [pct-l] Solo Female - Leaving Boyfriend At Home
Dan, what a great post.! I've been the at-home resupply person for my longterm (18 years) sweetie for about 14,000 of his 15,000+ backpacking miles. My record is marred by two things: (1) a USPS priority mail box that took TWO WEEKS to arrive and (2) sending his ice axe one maildrop ahead of where I should have sent it.
His idea of pre-hike work regarding resupply for his 1997 PCT thru was:
"Here's the book. I marked the places where I need a complete resupply. Here are the maps. You can figure out which ones to send when. Please tear out the appropriate guidebook pages to go with each map mailing. Here's a stack of signed blank checks. You know what I like to eat."
and he was gone...
My best advice to the person at home is to be sure you make some fun for yourself too. Take a class that interests you, take a trip with friends, eat just what YOU want to eat, complete some project that there never seems to be time to complete, etc.
At first it killed me when he was gone for so long. Now there are times I have to stop myself from asking: "When are you leaving????" I miss him, but I expand my own life and let it fill in the empty spaces.
He's retired and has been for more than 20 years. I'm still working for 374 more days. I hike but have no desire to thru anything except a 170 mile trail across southern Illinois---maybe.
Worst part for me (look in the pct-l archives) is knowing when to panic over a late arrival/late phone call. He says to give him 24 hours, and then make a call for rescue. Your partner may differ.
Joan
-----Original Message-----
From: Dan Engleman <danengleman at yahoo.com>
To: Amanda Timeoni <amanda.timeoni at gmail.com>; Abilene B. <abilenebushong at hotmail.com>
Cc: pct list serve <pct-l at backcountry.net>
Sent: Tue, Jan 22, 2013 2:41 pm
Subject: Re: [pct-l] Solo Female - Leaving Boyfriend At Home
I suppose I should begin this response by telling you that I am gay. Maybe that
disqualifies me in some way (since I am not a female) but I can empathize with
having a dream of hiking the PCT and having a boyfriend that didn't quite
understand the "logic" of hiking that distance. He kept saying (and continues
to say) "that just doesn't sound like fun" and I continue to tell him "it isn't
about just having fun."
My boyfriend ended up being very involved in my thru hike, since he was in
charge of sending re-supply packages. We also made arrangements to meet up
(during a few of my zero day/town stops), we talked on the phone on a regular
basis, and he was on the other end of my Spot messages. My point being, he was
my primary source of support. I share the credit of my successful thru hike
(with him) and must say that it is comical how many times he feels the need to
tell people that I hiked the entire PCT. I will say that I made a point to get
as much of the re-supply "work" completed before I left, but lets just say that
the trail has a way of producing a few "loose ends" now and again ...
I am not sure how involved your boyfriend is willing to be in your re-supply,
but trust me when I say that being someones re-supply person is an act of
sacrificial love. Thru hiking with or without a partner has its challenges,
but I venture to say that being someones re-supply person also has its fair
share of tests. After all, they are the ones standing in line at the post
office (while you are out having a blast) and they are the ones left to wonder
when, where, how, or if you are going to make it to your next town stop.
That being said, they will also share in the joy and triumph. If your boyfriend
is your sole re-supply person, he will hold a special place in your heart and
mind: before, during, and after the hike. My boyfriend laughs every time I tell
someone what a great job he did (lets face it, he made a few mistakes). Fact
is, he will never REALLY know how much I relied on and appreciated his help.
Like you, I was determined to give the PCT my best shot so I would have probably
figured out how to re-supply without his help. I am just glad that I didn't
have to.
I am not sure if your boyfriend will be willing or able to meet up with you
anywhere along the way, but I met my boyfriend (and my dog) in Big Bear, before
and after the Sierras, at Ashland, and in Bend. Knowing that someone was
waiting for me down the way was a huge motivator for me. I could have gotten by
without the visits, but I think we both looked forward to them.
We did have plans to hike some of the trail together, but it never panned out
that way. There were quite a few hikers that met up with a friend or family
member and did a stretch together. One of the problems with that, though, is
you will be covering crazy mileage that your loved one isn't likely to be able
or willing to do. If I had to do it again, I think I would try harder to get
my boyfriend out on the PCT with me. Rather than spending 2 zero days in town,
I would split my zero days with him up (one in a motel and one on the
PCT). I was always pushing myself to get to the border and there were many
times I just wanted to veg out on the trail for a day; one could cover 6-10
miles and then set up camp for the night. To be honest, it wasn't always rosey
when we were together. It was hard not to make my zero day(s) "all about me"
because I needed to rest, nourish, heal, organize, pack, and go. Even so, the
visits were good for both of us and the goodbyes bittersweet ...
As far as your being female and wondering about issues of safety, or fidelity,
or whatever, I would just say go into this with your eyes open and keep the
lines of communication open. I would suspect that there is both safety and risk
in the herd. I started late (May 26) so hiking with the herd wasn't an option
for me. I did start running into thru hikers in Big Bear, but I genuinely
wanted to hike the PCT solo so that is what I did. I met lots of great people
during my resupply stops and zero days and did relish the moments that I crossed
paths with someone out on the trail, it just wasn't all that important to have
someone by my side.
Hope it all works out for you.
Apologies to the list for my long responses. I injured my back a few months ago
and am on the edge of crazy, since the weather in southern Cal is awesome and I
am stuck at home. Speaking of crazy, my bf thinks I am completely off my
rocker; I recently purchased a Yogi guide for the CDT ...
Dan (711) ________________________________ From: Amanda Timeoni <amanda.timeoni at gmail.com>
To: Abilene B. <abilenebushong at hotmail.com>
Cc: pct list serve <pct-l at backcountry.net>
Sent: Tuesday, January 22, 2013 1:04 AM
Subject: Re: [pct-l] Solo Female - Leaving Boyfriend At Home Am I on craigslist? "Solo Female- LEAVING boyfriend at home..."
If he's not into it then go it alone. But believe me, you won't be alone
out on the PCT unless you really want to be (i.e. Crow) Most female "solo"
PCT hikers are rarely solo. Considering that most thru-hikers are male, is
he going to be ok with you hiking with/around another male(s)? I have seen
a lot of strife over the years... On Mon, Jan 21, 2013 at 7:13 PM, Abilene B. <abilenebushong at hotmail.com>wrote: >
> Has anyone had experience with this? My boyfriend and I have been together
> about 2.5 years and we love each other very much. I have invited him to
> come along with me on a thru-hike but he just isn't as interested in it as
> I am. I completely understand and don't want to push him into something he
> doesn't want to do. However, I am going to do this with or without him but
> being away from him for 5-6 months is kind of scary. How do we stay
> connected? What have some of you done to make this easier?
>
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