[pct-l] Solo Female - Leaving Boyfriend At Home

Tue Jan 22 14:33:56 CST 2013

Dan, what a great post.!  I've been the at-home resupply person for my longterm (18 years) sweetie for about 14,000 of his 15,000+ backpacking miles.  My record is marred by two things:  (1) a USPS priority mail box that took TWO WEEKS to arrive and (2) sending his ice axe one maildrop ahead of where I should have sent it.

His idea of pre-hike work regarding resupply for his 1997 PCT thru was: 
"Here's the book.  I marked the places where I need a complete resupply.  Here are the maps.  You can figure out which ones to send when.  Please tear out the appropriate guidebook pages to go with each map mailing.  Here's a stack of signed blank checks.  You know what I like to eat."

and he was gone...

My best advice to the person at home is to be sure you make some fun for yourself too.  Take a class that interests you, take a trip with friends, eat just what YOU want to eat, complete some project that there never seems to be time to complete, etc.  

At first it killed me when he was gone for so long.  Now there are times I have to stop myself from asking:  "When are you leaving????"  I miss him, but I expand my own life and let it fill in the empty spaces.

He's retired and has been for more than 20  years.  I'm still working for 374 more days.  I hike but have no desire to thru anything except a 170 mile trail across southern Illinois---maybe.  

Worst part for me (look in the pct-l  archives) is knowing when to panic over a late arrival/late phone call.  He says to give him 24 hours, and then make a call for rescue.  Your partner may differ.

Joan

-----Original Message-----
From: Dan Engleman <danengleman at yahoo.com>
To: Amanda Timeoni <amanda.timeoni at gmail.com>; Abilene B. <abilenebushong at hotmail.com>
Cc: pct list serve <pct-l at backcountry.net>
Sent: Tue, Jan 22, 2013 2:41 pm
Subject: Re: [pct-l] Solo Female - Leaving Boyfriend At Home

I suppose I should begin this response by telling you that I am gay.  Maybe that 
isqualifies me in some way (since I am not a female) but I can empathize with 
aving a dream of hiking the PCT and having a boyfriend that didn't quite 
nderstand the "logic" of hiking that distance.  He kept saying (and continues 
o say) "that just doesn't sound like fun" and I continue to tell him "it isn't 
bout just having fun."  
y boyfriend ended up being very involved in my thru hike, since he was in 
harge of sending re-supply packages.  We also made arrangements to meet up 
during a few of my zero day/town stops), we talked on the phone on a regular 
asis, and he was on the other end of my Spot messages.  My point being, he was 
y primary source of support.   I share the credit of my successful thru hike 
with him) and must say that it is comical how many times he feels the need to 
ell people that I hiked the entire PCT.  I will say that I made a point to get 
s much of the re-supply "work" completed before I left, but lets just say that 
he trail has a way of producing a few "loose ends" now and again ...    
 am not sure how involved your boyfriend is willing to be in your re-supply, 
ut trust me when I say that being someones re-supply person is an act of 
acrificial love.   Thru hiking with or without a partner has its challenges, 
ut I venture to say that being someones re-supply person also has its fair 
hare of tests.  After all,  they are the ones standing in line at the post 
ffice (while you are out having a blast) and they are the ones left to wonder 
hen, where, how, or if you are going to make it to your next town stop. 
hat being said, they will also share in the joy and triumph.  If your boyfriend 
s your sole re-supply person, he will hold a special place in your heart and 
ind: before, during, and after the hike.  My boyfriend laughs every time I tell 
omeone what a great job he did  (lets face it, he made a few mistakes).  Fact 
s, he will never REALLY know how much I relied on and appreciated his help.  
ike you, I was determined to give the PCT my best shot so I would have probably 
igured out how to re-supply without his help.  I am just glad that I didn't 
ave to. 
 am not sure if your boyfriend will be willing or able to meet up with you 
nywhere along the way, but I met my boyfriend (and  my dog) in Big Bear, before 
nd after the Sierras, at Ashland, and in Bend.  Knowing that someone was 
aiting for me down the way was a huge motivator for me.  I could have gotten by 
ithout the visits, but I think we both looked forward to them.  
e did have plans to hike some of the trail together, but it never panned out 
hat way.  There were quite a few hikers that met up with a friend or family 
ember and did a stretch together.  One of the problems with that, though, is 
ou will be covering crazy mileage that your loved one isn't likely to be able 
r willing to do.   If I had to do it again, I think I would try harder to get 
y boyfriend out on the PCT with me.  Rather than spending 2 zero days in town, 
 would split my zero days with him up (one in a motel and one on the 
CT).  I was always pushing myself to get to the border and there were many 
imes I just wanted to veg out on the trail for a day; one could cover 6-10 
iles and then set up camp for the night.   To be honest, it wasn't always rosey 
hen we were together.  It was hard not to make my zero day(s) "all about me" 
ecause I needed to rest, nourish, heal, organize, pack, and go.  Even so, the 
isits were good for both of
us and the goodbyes bittersweet ...  
s far as your being female and wondering about issues of safety, or fidelity, 
r whatever, I would just say go into this with your eyes open and keep the 
ines of communication open.  I would suspect that there is both safety and risk 
n the herd. I started late (May 26) so hiking with the herd wasn't an option 
or me.  I did start running into thru hikers in Big Bear, but I genuinely 
anted to hike the PCT solo so that is what I did.  I met lots of great people 
uring my resupply stops and zero days and did relish the moments that I crossed 
aths with someone out on the trail, it just wasn't all that important to have 
omeone by my side.  
ope it all works out for you.  
pologies to the list for my long responses.  I injured my back a few months ago 
nd am on the edge of crazy, since the weather in southern Cal is awesome and I 
m stuck at home.   Speaking of  crazy, my bf thinks I am completely off my 
ocker; I recently purchased a Yogi guide for the CDT ...  
an (711)

________________________________
From: Amanda Timeoni <amanda.timeoni at gmail.com>
o: Abilene B. <abilenebushong at hotmail.com> 
c: pct list serve <pct-l at backcountry.net> 
ent: Tuesday, January 22, 2013 1:04 AM
ubject: Re: [pct-l] Solo Female - Leaving Boyfriend At Home

m I on craigslist? "Solo Female- LEAVING boyfriend at home..."
f he's not into it then go it alone. But believe me, you won't be alone
ut on the PCT unless you really want to be (i.e. Crow) Most female "solo"
CT hikers are rarely solo. Considering that most thru-hikers are male, is
e going to be ok with you hiking with/around another male(s)? I have seen
 lot of strife over the years...

n Mon, Jan 21, 2013 at 7:13 PM, Abilene B. <abilenebushong at hotmail.com>wrote:
>
 Has anyone had experience with this? My boyfriend and I have been together
 about 2.5 years and we love each other very much. I have invited him to
 come along with me on a thru-hike but he just isn't as interested in it as
 I am. I completely understand and don't want to push him into something he
 doesn't want to do. However, I am going to do this with or without him but
 being away from him for 5-6 months is kind of scary. How do we stay
 connected? What have some of you done to make this easier?

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