[pct-l] Solo Female - Leaving Boyfriend At Home

[Dan Engleman]

I suppose I should begin this response by telling you that I am gay.  Maybe that disqualifies me in some way (since I am not a female) but I can empathize with having a dream of hiking the PCT and having a boyfriend that didn't quite understand the "logic" of hiking that distance.  He kept saying (and continues to say) "that just doesn't sound like fun" and I continue to tell him "it isn't about just having fun."  
My boyfriend ended up being very involved in my thru hike, since he was in charge of sending re-supply packages.  We also made arrangements to meet up (during a few of my zero day/town stops), we talked on the phone on a regular basis, and he was on the other end of my Spot messages.  My point being, he was my primary source of support.   I share the credit of my successful thru hike (with him) and must say that it is comical how many times he feels the need to tell people that I hiked the entire PCT.  I will say that I made a point to get as much of the re-supply "work" completed before I left, but lets just say that the trail has a way of producing a few "loose ends" now and again ...    
I am not sure how involved your boyfriend is willing to be in your re-supply, but trust me when I say that being someones re-supply person is an act of sacrificial love.   Thru hiking with or without a partner has its challenges, but I venture to say that being someones re-supply person also has its fair share of tests.  After all,  they are the ones standing in line at the post office (while you are out having a blast) and they are the ones left to wonder when, where, how, or if you are going to make it to your next town stop. 
That being said, they will also share in the joy and triumph.  If your boyfriend is your sole re-supply person, he will hold a special place in your heart and mind: before, during, and after the hike.  My boyfriend laughs every time I tell someone what a great job he did  (lets face it, he made a few mistakes).  Fact is, he will never REALLY know how much I relied on and appreciated his help.  Like you, I was determined to give the PCT my best shot so I would have probably figured out how to re-supply without his help.  I am just glad that I didn't have to. 
I am not sure if your boyfriend will be willing or able to meet up with you anywhere along the way, but I met my boyfriend (and  my dog) in Big Bear, before and after the Sierras, at Ashland, and in Bend.  Knowing that someone was waiting for me down the way was a huge motivator for me.  I could have gotten by without the visits, but I think we both looked forward to them.  
We did have plans to hike some of the trail together, but it never panned out that way.  There were quite a few hikers that met up with a friend or family member and did a stretch together.  One of the problems with that, though, is you will be covering crazy mileage that your loved one isn't likely to be able or willing to do.   If I had to do it again, I think I would try harder to get my boyfriend out on the PCT with me.  Rather than spending 2 zero days in town, I would split my zero days with him up (one in a motel and one on the PCT).  I was always pushing myself to get to the border and there were many times I just wanted to veg out on the trail for a day; one could cover 6-10 miles and then set up camp for the night.   To be honest, it wasn't always rosey when we were together.  It was hard not to make my zero day(s) "all about me" because I needed to rest, nourish, heal, organize, pack, and go.  Even so, the visits were good for both of
 us and the goodbyes bittersweet ...  
As far as your being female and wondering about issues of safety, or fidelity, or whatever, I would just say go into this with your eyes open and keep the lines of communication open.  I would suspect that there is both safety and risk in the herd. I started late (May 26) so hiking with the herd wasn't an option for me.  I did start running into thru hikers in Big Bear, but I genuinely wanted to hike the PCT solo so that is what I did.  I met lots of great people during my resupply stops and zero days and did relish the moments that I crossed paths with someone out on the trail, it just wasn't all that important to have someone by my side.  
Hope it all works out for you.  
Apologies to the list for my long responses.  I injured my back a few months ago and am on the edge of crazy, since the weather in southern Cal is awesome and I am stuck at home.   Speaking of  crazy, my bf thinks I am completely off my rocker; I recently purchased a Yogi guide for the CDT ...  
Dan (711)

 

________________________________
 From: Amanda Timeoni <amanda.timeoni at gmail.com>
To: Abilene B. <abilenebushong at hotmail.com> 
Cc: pct list serve <pct-l at backcountry.net> 
Sent: Tuesday, January 22, 2013 1:04 AM
Subject: Re: [pct-l] Solo Female - Leaving Boyfriend At Home
  
Am I on craigslist? "Solo Female- LEAVING boyfriend at home..."
If he's not into it then go it alone. But believe me, you won't be alone
out on the PCT unless you really want to be (i.e. Crow) Most female "solo"
PCT hikers are rarely solo. Considering that most thru-hikers are male, is
he going to be ok with you hiking with/around another male(s)? I have seen
a lot of strife over the years...


On Mon, Jan 21, 2013 at 7:13 PM, Abilene B. <abilenebushong at hotmail.com>wrote:

>
> Has anyone had experience with this? My boyfriend and I have been together
> about 2.5 years and we love each other very much. I have invited him to
> come along with me on a thru-hike but he just isn't as interested in it as
> I am. I completely understand and don't want to push him into something he
> doesn't want to do. However, I am going to do this with or without him but
> being away from him for 5-6 months is kind of scary. How do we stay
> connected? What have some of you done to make this easier?
>
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