[pct-l] Post Trail Adjustment

[spiritbear2k at hotmail.com (Ginny & Jim Owen)]

This one I had to answer, though I'll probably regret it later.  I do suffer 
from serious depression ? it?s a family problem:  my grandmother didn?t 
leave her house for 30 years after my grandfather died, there have been at 
least a couple of suicide attempts, plus the long slow death of alcoholism 
and drug abuse for several family members on both sides of the family.  It?s 
something I?ve lived with since I was a teen.

However, the trail is one of the few places where depression is not an issue 
for me.  When I hike, I am happy.  Completely serenely joyfully deep down 
happy.  That?s true for dayhikes, weekend trips and long hikes.  I love 
being outdoors. I love being surrounded by beauty.  I love moving my body up 
and down mountains.  The happiness used to be there when I was traveling 
too.  In high school and college I was lucky enough to do a lot of 
traveling.  I loved it.  When I was exploring new places and meeting new 
people, life was interesting and intriguing and I was able to handle 
whatever I encountered.  Hiking and traveling, ?Life is good!?  It?s the 
mundane world I have a hard time dealing with.

After my first couple of hikes, post trail adjustment wasn?t that bad.  Soon 
after my first hike, I moved to San Francisco, so in lieu of the excitement 
of a long hike, I had the pleasure of exploring a new area.  After my second 
hike, I knew I was going to move again (city life was not for me) so my 
return to my old haunts was temporary and besides, I knew that I would 
probably go on to hike the PCT in a couple of years, so I had something good 
to look forward to.  Then I moved east and had a lot of new experiences to 
deal with, including a new relationship, so life was exciting again.  It was 
after our return from the PCT hike that I had serious adjustment trouble.

At that time, I felt there was a possibility that that would be our last 
hike.  I knew that I wanted more.  I didn?t want the adventures to end.  I 
love the life and the freedom of long distance hiking.  Money issues were 
such that travel of a non-hiking kind were unlikely.  The thought of going 
back to ordinary life, having no more great adventures, nothing exciting to 
look forward to, was utterly unbearable.  Jim, of course, just laughed and 
said, ?Of course we?ll have more adventures.  We?re not dead yet.?  But it 
was hard for me to believe, especially once we settled into jobs, bought a 
house, and started dealing with health and other issues.  It wasn?t the 
physical let down that was difficult, it was the thought that I had nothing 
exciting to look forward to, just working the 9 to 5 grind with two weeks' 
vacation for the next 30 years.  That depressed me.     Fortunately, I was 
wrong and we are planning all sorts of new adventures for the next few 
years.

The attraction of long distance hiking is very much what Mags said ? there 
is a huge beautiful unknown world out there just waiting to be discovered.  
I choose to focus on the long trails, but it could as easily be travels in 
South America or Nepal.  Am I running away from the boredom and sameness of 
the mundane world ? yes. But I am also running toward the adventures 
awaiting us in the natural world.  I may be self-medicating ? all I know is 
that there is a place where I am happy, despite the difficulties of hiking 
all day every day in all kinds of conditions.  So far it has worked a lot 
better than any pill.  And yes, I know that someday the adventures will end. 
  I don't look forward to that time.

Ginny




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