[pct-l] Regarding some questions

[reynolds@iLAN.com (Reynolds, WT)]

1.  When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your 
picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.     
     
2.  Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his
favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.     
     
3.  Old socks can be made into high fiber beef jerky by smoking
them over an open fire.     
     
4.  When smoking a fish, never inhale.     
     
5.  A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm.
A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks
between your toes. 
     
6.  You'll never be awakened by the call of a loon if you have an
unlisted  number.     
     
7.  The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain
ranges.  Steer clear of those named for landfills.     
     
8.  Acupuncture was invented by a camper who found a porcupine
in his sleeping bag.     
     
9.  While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the
Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded.  Its single blade
functions as a tiny canoe paddle.     
     
10.  Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable
campers to stay dry in a downpour.  Rain suits that sneeze, cough,
and belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to
the wilderness experience.     
     
11.  Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter.  Warning:
Remove lint from navel before applying the match.     
     
12.  You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows
on the north side of your compass.
          
13.  You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by
climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.     
     
14.  The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat,
should never be confused with a gnu paddle, a similar device used
by Tibetan veterinarians.    
     
15.  When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt.  It gives you
something to wipe your nose on.     
     
16.  You can compress the diameter of your rolled-up sleeping bag
by running over it with your car.    
     
17.  Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping.
Shine a flashlight into one ear.  If the beam shines out the other
ear, do not go into the woods alone.     
     
18.  A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.     
     
19.  A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent
side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an
excellent hockey puck.   
     
20. You can start a fire without matches by eating Mexican food,
then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.    
     
21. In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by
shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic
waistband of your underwear.     
     
22. The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes
excellent kindling.     
     
23. A large carp can be used for a pillow.
     
24. Check the washing instructions before purchasing any apparel
to be worn camping.  Buy only those that read "Beat on a rock in
stream".    
     
25. The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations.
The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the
eagle.
         
26. It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding
mountain road behind a large motor home.
          
27. Effective January 1, 1997, you will actually have to enlist in the
Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife.
          
28. Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly
country.  The tricky part is getting them on the bears.     
     
29. A great deal of hostility can be released by using newspaper
photos of politicians for toilet paper.
     
30. In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used
to strangle a snoring tent mate.

By Bruce Cochran, Sept. 1996 Backpacker Magazine