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[pct-l] chintzy user fee analogy
A person who's house was on fire called the fire department for help. "If
this is an emergency press one," said the phone. He quickly pressed one. "If
this is to report a cat up a tree press one. If you are reporting a brush
fire press two. If you are reporting a fire ban violation press 3. If you are
reporting a house fire press 4." He pressed four. "Welcome," said the phone.
"You have reached the emergency fire center. Due to the high volume of calls
you may experience a delay. Please stay on the line and your call will be
answered in the order it was received." He waited his turn. "Operator," said
the phone. "May I have your name and user fee number?" "User fee number?"
said the hapless dude who's house was on fire. "Yes, we require a user fee
number or major credit card since legislation was passed last year requiring
users of our services to pay directly for our services. You remember,
property owners got fed up with all those tax increases and passed Referendum
1245 to require user fees for emergency services." The hapless home owner's
wallet was in the burning bedroom. "Would you like to talk to our credit
department for a quick credit check and information on our easy monthly
payment plan?"
Ms. Mom took little Johnny down for his first day of school. She was
greeted by a receptionist in the lobby who asked for proof of residency, a
birth certificate and social security number. She then tapped away on her
computer for a while and finally said, "That will be $15,457. Will that be
cash or credit, ma'am?" "I beg your pardon," said Ms. Mom. "You know," said
the receptionist, this year we require user fees for all students because of
passage of Referendum 1245 requiring users of public education to pay
directly for our services. You have four options -- cash, major credit card,
our easy monthly payment program (upon credit approval) or Johnny can have
his future social security checks reduced by 25% to pay for his childhood
education." "But we already pay LOTS of taxes that support our public
schools," whined Ms. Mom. "Yes, I know," said the receptionist with a smile,
"and we appreciate that. But you remember the study that showed we just
weren't getting enough money. And those nasty, childless property owners
howled to the moon about getting nothing for their tax dollar when we
proposed yet another property tax increase, so here we are."
The frazzled commuter was driving his usual route to work one morning when
he saw what appeared to be a road block up ahead ..... and on and on and on.
Hey, just had a great user fee idea! Hourly meters on all car campground
and trailhead parking spaces and coin operated sanicans and backcountry
privies. And a new no trace ethic - Take only oxygen leave only Co2 (in
accordance with the Kyoto Accord, of course)
And with that final note, I am gone for a while. Going on a few hikes and
trips for the rest of the summer -- gotta go break that Wonderland Trail
record, for one -- and won't be around to be harassed. I'll be back in a
couple of months to get my fair share of abuse. Yeah, yeah, I know -- don't
go away mad -- just go away!