[pct-l] Pct-L Digest, Vol 128, Issue 5 Jeffrey Olsen Lament

[Marvin and Shirley Barg]

"I have to ask myself why.? I'm retired.? I have a decent income from social
security and 401k stuff.

Why did I lose the anticipation of the opportunity to start hiking and do so
for a month or two or longer?? Sure, I had a knee replaced, the other reamed
out.? My back has been an issue for 40 years, and flames up at awkward
times.? I'm overweight, and I live in a 140 year old, balloon framed house I
tore to the studs and am rebuilding.?? While ripping out lathe and plaster
last fall I pulled/tore my sartorious muscle.

Lots of reasons.? Right now I'm healthy - no structural problems or muscle
crap.

I've read Marmot's stuff for years.? She's pretty amazing - the just do it,
enjoy ethos.

I feel a bit of the anticipation, again.? Is the flutter enough???

Jeffrey Olson
Laramie, WY"

Jeffrey, how well you have described my frame of mind!

After a lifetime of longing, in 2008 age 57, I took an LOA and began a PCT
thu NOBO. All was going great UNTIL...I met my adult kids (sans their
spouses and children) and wife and left the trail at Kennedy Meadows south
for 5 days at Disneyland. I was just like the old days with the 30ish
children quickly reverting to their teenage selves. It was glorious! When
the family dropped my off, I was gutted emotionally and not much later,
physically. Two weeks later and well into clinical depression, I left the
PCT at Mammoth. Oh, how I've tried to return since then, only to be thwarted
by crippling anxiety despite the so-called freedom of retirement and
relative financial security!

It took 12 years to work through most of the psych issues dogging me since
2008. Coupled with the loss of about 30 lbs, 2020 was going to be the year.
Not anymore, of course. But should I come through the next year with my
health, the 'flutter' will be enough next spring. Grampa Kilt