[pct-l] After Action Report – 2011 Kickoff

[hiker97 at aol.com]

Yes, your intrepid PCT hero, trail raconteur, privateer, and notorious knave, Switchback, has cheated death once again.  This time at the 2011 April Kickoff expedition.  Copious amounts of fun were had by all.  A good job by the Kickoff organizers and volunteers once again.
I left Loss Wages early Wednesday morning to drive to Murrieta, CA to pick some donated Tyvek by ChiefCowboy.  I also have on board 450 bags of chips for the dinners.  I then head to Warner Springs Resort to hook up with Manyon Ed and Crash.  We plan on our usual high level of goofoffness before they leave Thursday to head to Lake Morena.  I will leave Friday morning, since I need an extra day of goof-off.
I get to WSR around 10 AM.  Crash and Ed are not there yet, I so go over to the golf course diner for a snack.  I take a meriterous combat nap and then head down to the pool to soak in the 105 degree hot pool and exercise in the 81 degree cool pool.   Ed and Crash arrive around 5 PM, but we miss each other and do not hook up until at the Kickoff on Friday.  I go to the cantina that evening for dinner (dining room not open on Wednesday) and to flirt with the bar girls.  This is always fun.
On Thursday morning I head over to Julian.  At Scissors Crossing I pick up a hiker (last name Moon) and head to Julian.  We stop at the Coffee Shop and have a great breakfast and I order 18 cinnamon rolls for Friday morning.  I then decide to go over to Lake Morena to make sure the organizers are hard at work getting ready for the big crowd.  All the usual suspects are there getting ready for the Kickoff.  I set up some of my gear at campsite #22.   
I drive back to the Kickoff entry station and talk to some of the volunteers including the Wagon Master, The Kelty Kid, Yogi, Walk Slow-Walk Far, Warner Springs Monty, etc.  I tell them that I would love to hang out with them, but I have to get back to WRS for my deep tissue massage appointment and skin brush with Mylene.  As I drive away they are gnashing their teeth with their arms and clinched fists in the air.  I love it when a plan comes together.
Back at the resort during the wonderful massage I tell many exploits with bears with me as the hero.  All the salon girls are duly impressed and in awe of my mountainman persona.  I think about getting a nice pedicure too but decide I need a nap.  We hard core hiker trash cannot be too careful with our feet and must have sexy toes on the trail.  I like my nails buffed to a nice high shine to catch the sunlight as I bang down the trail in my hiking sandals.
Afterwards I head over to the cantina for some popcorn and diet Pepsi.  When the dining room opens I have salmon and a salad.  Very nice, but I notice the old and charming wall rugs are no longer hanging from the walls.  The server says they were sold off.  This is a shame and sad.  The room has lost a lot of its charm and history.
As I sit there I wonder about the closed campground just outside of WSR.  The super large Clinton C. Clarke oak tree is at campsite #22.  Isn’t it interesting that it has the same site number as the Pirate’s Roost campsite at the Kickoff.  Is this fate or a simple coincidence?  Is it Karma or the Backpackerdom gods playing a game?  It could be another deep mystery of the universe.   The truth is more astounding.
It was written many eons ago that the great oak site and Switchback’s Kickoff campsite would be connected.  This was sung around Neanderthal campsites along the future PCT during the last Ice Age.  Ancient Native American rock art displays this union.  Scientist have not yet interpreted this art correctly.  For now it is a mystery to them, but we know the truth. 
I head over to Julian early Friday morning for my customary breakfast at Coffee Shop restaurant and bakery.  I also pick up the giant cinnamon rolls for the Kickoff volunteers and gate keepers.  I always hedge my bets with a little bribery to get into the KO.  The cinnamon rolls are a big hit.  While everyone is munching, I quietly slip through to my partially set up campsite.  Yogi this year only took a half a giant cinnamon roll.  I think she was embarrassed by her attack last year.  I like it better when she tries her stealth attack on the roll box.  GottaGo gave me this year’s Kickoff scarf, which is very nice.  
This year we have a great selection for the Hiker Box of excess gear at the Pirate’s Lair-Roost.  This mainly because our pal, L-Rod, donated a lot of gear from Hiker Heaven.  Also, some of the gear goes to Warner Springs Monty the youth group he works with.  I painted a lot of tent stakes too.  I made some hands-free umbrella holders and weighed gear for hikers.  The SuperSecret of Backpacking seminar had about 40 attendees.  I demonstrated dehydrated water to the amazement of everyone.  LaZorra assisted me during the seminar and her help was much appreciated.  The large roll of Tyvek is gone by Saturday early afternoon as everyone is making ground cloths out of it.
Schommer bought two large jars of John Muir water and dirt.  I was very tempted to cut it like a drug dealer and sell it at $5 an ounce.  SugarMomma was camped nearby too.  She does a lot of Trail Angel work for hikers.  Very cool.  Lots of people stopped by the Pirate’s Roost to say how much they enjoyed the humor on the PCT-L.  They even said they enjoyed JMT Reinhold too.  That is going a little too far.  Reinhold’s new name will be 86’d Reinhold --- more later.
About mid-day I decide to head to Campo for lunch.  I find the Campo Diner and have a fish and chips and ice cream shake.  It is a very nice local place to eat and I had never been there before.  Next year I will eat lunch there on Friday and Saturday.
JMT Reinhold made his appearance on Friday and we have our pictures taken together for hikers.  He has a confrontation Friday afternoon at the Kickoff entry station.  I hear Saturday morning when I return from my Pine Valley motel room that he has been 86’d out of the Kickoff.  Surprisingly, I see him Saturday back roaming around.  Later that day I have dinner with Reinhold, La Zorra, AsABat, and some other hikers.  I have one veggie burger.   It looked like most of my chips were gone too.   Later I clean up the Roost site and head back to the Pine Valley motel.
Early Sunday I headed to San Diego to see a welding competition awards program that my nephew is in.  Afterwards, I have a great lunch with my sisters and stepfather.  We talk about how my impending retirement means I require donations and charity from family members and the hiking community to make my retirement comfortable and to fund my Triple Crown hikes.
Speaking of retirement, I will finish the PCT in 2013.  This will be after I retire in December of 2012.  I will smash Can’tQuit and AsABat to finish the trail before them.  My hiking prowess will be supreme with two new knees and two new eyes.
Faithfully recorded and accurately penned, your obedient servant and devoted knave --------- Switchback the Trail Pirate
PS: The big Walker Pass Thru-Hiker Food Ruck will be June 10-12.  See you there.