[pct-l] Hiking Disorder....CHD vs MHD

Mon Feb 14 19:02:24 CST 2011

Dear Jackass,

Another great story!  Like I have said before; I get a spot at your
campfire!!!  You are a magnificent writer, storyteller!

Melanie

On Mon, Feb 14, 2011 at 4:27 PM, Jason Moores <jmmoores1 at gmail.com> wrote:

> Mr. Shroomer,
>
> As agreed upon I am writing to you with a progress report on Patient
> UL-7.6,
> trail name: "Jackass". I have taken the time to transcribe the pertinent
> minutes of today's session with UL-7.6 below, in his own words, to
> demonstrate the effectiveness of "The Treatment".:
>
> " Today is a good day, doc.
>
> The past week I had been suffering from an acute case of Feb-itis. Due to a
> previous outbreak last year at this same time I was quick to recognize the
> "itis" as it set in on me. My energy was low, my mood turbid as the clouds
> that had oppressively settled onto the mountain peaks out my window. My
> eyes
> had swollen to mere slits from squinting, my finger tips calloused. My once
> bronzed skin had taken on a frightful sallow color. I did not recognize and
> found myself a stranger in my mirror without that once magnificent gray and
> brown flowing beard that had graced these now sunken cheeks. Muscular
> atrophy had set in and the tendons in my piston strong legs felt like spent
> rubber bands. It felt as though gravel had been poured into my joints. My
> mid-section increasing at an alarming rate, now turgid, I wondered aloud,
> 'am I retaining water?' I found myself short of breath as I climbed the
> stairs to my cloister and I even began to consider carrying a GG carbon
> fiber trekking pole to make these climbs easier on my swollen knees.
>
> My mental state was in shambles and I was at a loss for succor from my old
> standby solutions to these dark thoughts. No longer did checking gear sites
> for new and lighter equipment relive my malaise. Patching my old pack
> brought me no joy. Watching Squatch's videos only brought tears to my
> already swollen eyes...and when I brushed last years dust from my Lowas...I
> collapsed into a fit of sobbing that frightened my lovely gal...I'll tell
> ya
> doc., hard times...hard times...
>
> Now doc. I'll tell ya sumptin else. As you know this will be my seventh
> summer since you diagnosed me with CHD and as you also know, I rarely have
> a
> crisis eight month out of the year... but when this flare-up of Feb-itis
> set
> in, I thought I was done for. That's when I dug deep and remembered the
> sage
> words of my gracious sponsor, Shroomer. Now doc. I know ya heard this all
> before but at my lowest moment I heard my friends voice, like it was from
> on
> high. It began as a faint whisper that grew to a manic roar... repeating,
> repeating with vigor, "work your steps, work your steps, it gets better!"
> In
> my crippling despair, my darkest moment...I reached deep...deep into that
> hiker soul that burns within me...and found the strength to rouse myself
> from my pillow...and doc. I clung to my friends burning call...I began
> workin them steps!
>
> I stepped to my closet and found some wool garments. I stepped into my
> NorthFace boots and tied them snug. I grabbed hold of my honey and stepped
> her out the door. I stepped into my snowshoes and fastened the bindings
> tight. I took a few deep breaths...and here it comes doc....I started
> steppin my way up the back valley towards the crest of crags east of my
> home. Now I know yer not gunna believe this but at that moment the sun
> broke
> from behind a peak on that crest. Shone down on us in all its warmth and
> beauty with an intensity that kindled the coals of my being. With each step
> I could feel this Feb-itis receding into the recesses of my conflicted
> soul.  Before long my gal and I had stepped all the way to the trails end,
> the crest's knife edge. The jagged Wasatch range lay before us awash in
> snow
> and sun. A lone Raven, on the wing, called down to us in that moment and
> doc....I knew what he was squawkin at me, as if cawed in tongue..."Spring,
> Spring, Spring"...in my heart I knew that from his lofty height within that
> gleaming sun, he could see it. Spring was cummin. It was cummin doc. And at
> that moment I felt a release as if that Feb-itis was a demon cast out of my
> body by the hand of the Trail God; cast upon the frigid winds that now drew
> tears from my once crusted eyes. Tears of joy in the knowledge that this
> winter would end. The red and green and purple flowers of the prickly pear
> would soon begin to bud, the Utah bees would waken from their slumber and
> would soon lay drunkenly in those flowers...stoned in the warmth of
> spring's
> sun.
>
> Now doc. I know that kickin this 'itis' doesn't mean that I'm cured of my
> CHD...Hell, I may never be cured. Yet I know it...like that spectral lone
> voice of my sponsor...like I knew the message of the Raven...like I know
> the
> feel of the trail tread beneath my feet...that if I keep workin my steps,
> it'll get easier...just a little easier...and doc....that's all I'm askin
> for."
>
> Regards,
> Dr. Bill E. Goat, D.D.
>
>
> Jackass
>
>
>
>
>
> On Mon, Feb 14, 2011 at 1:32 PM, Gerry Zamora <gerry0625 at gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > I think im coming down with cwtgotft syndrome.  Getting the shakes and
> > crazy
> > thoughts of sleeping in the backyard.
> > On Feb 14, 2011 12:26 PM, "Cheryl Christensen" <cherylbyfaith at gmail.com>
> > wrote:
> > > Hhhhmmmmmmmmmm...............
> > >
> > > It's even worse than I thought...
> > >
> > > You people are in serious, possibly fatal, denial...
> > >
> > > Dr. Yoshi, come quick! You are their only hope!
> > >
> > >
> > > On 14 February 2011 11:54, Scott Williams <baidarker at gmail.com> wrote:
> > >
> > >> Yes JMT Reinhold, I think you were on the cutting edge of it's
> diagnosis
> > >> way
> > >> back in 2008. MHD/CHD has probably been around for most of our human
> > >> history as we traipsed around the globe. But a step program may be the
> > >> final cure for many of us. 6 million steps and you're fixed! Until
> next
> > >> summer that is. It's obviously recurrent on a seasonal basis.
> > >>
> > >> Step one: Admitted I was powerless against that black bear cub and his
> > >> mother who want the food I've so conveniently left next to my sleeping
> > bag.
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Step two: Came to believe that a power greater than Smiles climbing
> > Mather
> > >> pass ahead of me, could restore me to sanity.
> > >>
> > >> Step three: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to
> > Mango,
> > >> as long as he stays upright when crossing streams.
> > >>
> > >> Step four: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of everyone
> > >> else's
> > >> hiking styles and gear.
> > >>
> > >> Step five..............
> > >>
> > >> I need a doctor!!!!!!!!
> > >>
> > >> Shroomer
> > >> _______________________________________________
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