[pct-l] The Hiker's Guide To Hitchhiking

[Erik The Black]

Good stuff Funnybone. We didn't have as much luck as you with the reverse
psychology... but it was fun scaring the yuppie drivers :)

I'll throw a few more hitch-hiking tips into the mix:
http://www.eriktheblack.com/blog/hitch-hiking/


-Erik the Black
www.pctatlas.com



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Message: 3
Date: Tue, 27 Oct 2009 20:07:27 -0700 (PDT)
From: Chuckie V <rubberchuckie at yahoo.com>
Subject: [pct-l] The Hiker's Guide To Hitchhiking
To: pct-l at backcountry.net
Cc: Tortoise73 at charter.net
Message-ID: <899509.37520.qm at web112117.mail.gq1.yahoo.com>
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=utf-8

Tortoise,
Here's what I'd written about hitchhiking back in 2006. I'd imagine it's
similar to Bob's.


FUNNYBONE!'S GUIDE TO HITCHHIKING

http://www.trailjournals.com/entry.cfm?id=163260

We've all driven by him: the invisible hitchhiker. There he is on the side
of the road indicating his need for a ride. His thumb is elevated and yet
nobody sees him. Why? Because he APPEARS invisible. He's seated on the
shoulder, dressed like a citizen of some far-off third world country and has
roughly the same amount of enthusiasm as a three-toed sloth. I wouldn't pick
him up. Would you?

The average household dictionary typically defines the word "hitchhike" as
such: "to travel by soliciting free rides along a road". But there is so
much more to it. Believe it or not, there is a right way and, as the example
above clearly demonstrates, a wrong way to hitchhike.

First, a quick disclaimer: Hitchhiking can be dangerous! It can also be
illegal in some places (on the PCT, Crater Lake National Park quickly comes
to mind).

Rules of the Road: How to Get a Ride

A quick note: this is written from a roadside vantage. Ideally you will have
wanted to previously sought out a ride by wheedling or "yogi-ing"* (*Please
see the previous journal entry, A Glossary of PCT-Related Thru-Hiking Lingo)
whenever possible.

There are a number of things you can do to improve your chances of catching
a ride. The most important of these is to appear as neat and respectable as
you can, whether or not you're actually neat and respectable. You should
also appear as non-threatening to passing motorists as you can, even when
they keep passing. A thru-hiker smells threatening enough, but there's no
need to look THAT dangerous. Wash your face and brush your teeth with that
sawed-off toothbrush.

FUNNYBONE!'S TOP TEN HITCHHIKING RULES

1) Face oncoming traffic and indicate your need for a ride by proudly
elevating your thumb (NOT your middle finger). It's important that motorists
can see you, so avoid sitting if at all possible. Avoid standing on a blind
corner or at the crest of a hill. It's also imperative to give ample room
for the motorist to evaluate you, ponder how far they're willing to take
you, and then slow down and (hopefully) stop.

2) Smile! This one is critical. My odds were always better with a grin on my
face, even if it was forced.

3) Clean yourself up and dress as smart as your backpacking wardrobe allows.
Wear your cleanest, brightest dirty clothes so that you can be seen more
easily. Wear shorts and show your tanned muscular legs?most serial killers
are known to wear blood stained long pants. DO NOT DO THIS! Remove
nose-rings, earrings, studs through your skull, your hockey mask, and any
other unusual self-adornments or add-ons. Discard your sunglasses, your hat,
and if you're carrying one, your chainsaw. If it's long and scraggly, pull
your hair back into a ponytail. Think of hitchhiking as a business proposal:
you have to get their attention before you can get your point across and
close the deal.

Remember: you've been walking through the woods for weeks on end, and you
might have forgotten how awful you truly smell. Clean up your act and get
yourself titivated.

4) Provide evidence that you are safe by displaying a simple sign stating
that you're a PCT hiker and need a ride to such and such place. I carried a
small felt-tip pen for such occasions and jotted my request on a
ground-cloth or roadside rubbish. "Home to mom" works wonders. Biblical
verses can be helpful too, particularly those designed to guilt-trip all the
self-proclaimed Christians who opt not to help out their fellow brother or
sister. If you're daring enough however, you can use reverse psychology on
your sign like I successfully did by writing, "PSYCHO KILLER NEEDS
RIDE...NOW!" Or, you might try writing a town name in the opposite
direction. Believe it or not, both methods worked for me.

5) When---if---a car stops, kindly ask the driver where they're going. At
this point it is easy to decline the lift if you don't like the look of the
driver (or passengers), or if you spot a blood-stained machete in the back
seat. If they're not going to your destination, ask how close they "MIGHT be
able" to get you to it. Don't imply that they HAVE TO do anything for you.

6) Never smoke in someone else's car unless they offer you a cigarette (or
some of the good stuff) first. If they do, and you happen to smoke, party it
up. Just be sure that if they are smoking the illegal stuff they know what
side of the road to keep to.


7) Don't just stand there doing nothing. Dance. Take bows. Or do as Jason
'Porno' Porto did when he and I were hitchhiking together near the PCT's
mid-point west of Chester, CA in 2002: get the truckers to blow their air
horns by imitating the motion to do so. Jump around playfully, but try not
to APPEAR like you've got one too many screws loose.

8) Take your backpack off and set it in front of you so that it looks less
bulky. A big pack looks like it's difficult to load into a car and makes you
look more threatening as well; this is another reason to travel light---as
if you needed one. Also, if you're using them, keep your hiking poles in
your hands and at full length. When collapsed, they can look like a deadly
weapon or two. If it's needed, fold them down when you've secured a ride,
but keep in mind it's not uncommon for hikers to forget their poles while
hitching.

9) If you must, act as though you're injured and hobble around with a limp.
Motorists are likelier to assist someone seeking medical attention than they
are a hiker seeking a ride for resupply. Of course, if you're like most
thru-hikers, you won't need to fake the limp.

10) Finally, if you happen to catch a ride on the back of one of those
crotch-rocket motorcycles that look like a painted bullet, do not, and I
repeat, DO NOT, ask how fast the bike can go! I made this mistake in 2002 on
my way into Bend, Oregon. "We'll soon find out," my driver said. And I did.
Every day since has been a bonus.

Obvious Rules: Don't hitchhike at night. Duh. Don't draw pot leaves or write
"4:20" on a sign lest the local Omar (Sheriff) decide to investigate. Double
duh. Don't underestimate how compassionate and bighearted people can be.
Triple duh.

Disclaimer Number Two: If you're female, you can probably ignore the bulk of
these "rules". It's doubtful you'll have much trouble getting a lift,
especially if you're attractive. However, your responsibilities then become
knowing who NOT to accept a ride with and this is an entirely different
subject of its own. Hitchhiking involves other people and, as we all know,
other people can be scary! Who knows, YOU might even be scary!?? 

Although hitchhiking is more hazardous than train travel and even bus
travel, statistically it is still safer than many other forms of transport
such as cycling, space travel and thru-hiking. Good luck and be safe!