[pct-l] Getting Ready for the 2009 Hiking Campaign

[hiker97 at aol.com]

Yes, there are?many reasons that we hiker trash and hiker one percenters are so happy and the arch enemy of Female Terminator Leadership Types.? Those are the women who are against our policy of "Goof Off R Us."

For example, Terminators will tell you that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.? The hiker trash answer:
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer: that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap after some cold beer and hot pizza and a good cigar.
?
How about their theory that you?should?cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more that an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
?
This one is really a Terminator mantra - we should?reduce our alcohol intake.
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the
fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

They want us males to?participate in a regular exercise program?
A: Our?philosophy is?"No Pain....NO PAIN!"? And they say that?sit-ups help prevent us from getting a little soft around the middle.? Well, when you try to?exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach and prefferly on a hiker saloon bar stool.?

How about the one about?fried foods bad for you?
A:?Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?



They try to convince you that?even chocolate is bad for you.
A: HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!! It's the best feel-good food around!? They just want more for themselves.


This is a good one.? They tell you that?swimming good for you.
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.??And they say that?getting in-shape important before taking a hike.
Hey,?'Round' is a shape!


Well, I hope this has helped everyone preparing the upcoming hiking season and dispelled any Terminator myths and their incessant desire to take care of us so we can do more work for them.

AND REMEMBER:?Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather you are to?skid in sideways - beer?in one hand - saloon buffalo wings?in the other - a hiking body
thoroughly used up, totally worn out as you are screaming,?"WOO HOO WHAT A RIDE and long live trail pirates!"