[pct-l] 1st post / what to tell the boss....

[Diane at Santa Barbara Hikes dot com]

On Jan 28, 2009, at 10:55 PM, pct-l-request at backcountry.net wrote:

> My travels arounds California have many times found me
> parked where the PCT crosses a road, whether in the San Gabrials, San
> Bernadinos, Trinities, Sierra, Cascades etc..., I've taken little  
> walks down
> the trail and just felt it.  Can you feel it?  It's there.

Aside from carting around a book since 1975 about the PCT, my dreams  
were stoked those times I found myself standing on a crossroads with  
the PCT, too.

There was the time we climbed Langley Peak and I swore I saw some PCT  
hikers with their ultralight packs and almost running pace.

There was the time when I was 16 and my church group hiked from  
Mammoth to Tuolumne Meadows and then down into the Valley. (We took  
our bibles out the first night, took a look at Shadow Lake, looked at  
each other and said "Nah" and put the bibles away never to be looked  
at again.)

There was the time I went to visit my mother near Lassen and we went  
to look at Subway cave and the spatter cone nature trail and I stood  
at the crossroads on the trail and thought how amazing it was that in  
that direction is Mexico and in that direction is Canada. After that  
trip I went home and started training to go to Nepal, lost 35lbs and  
fulfilled my dream to see Mt. Everest. But before I saw Everest and  
after I lost the weight I returned and hiked from Domingo Springs to  
Old Station on the PCT (well, on the suggested alternate lake-blessed  
route). I carried a section of the guide book xeroxed from the  
library and visited the post office just to see it. I crossed that  
spatter cone trail crossroads again, this time happy I was on the  
PCT, then road walked to Uncle somebody's restaurant and that was the  
end of my hike. But I swore I'd cross that crossroads again.

I did this summer. That was great. But they rerouted the trail  
somewhat and the crossroads wasn't a perfect cross anymore. No matter.

Yes, my dream has been lifelong and has been a great unfolding for  
me. I know the feeling you speak of.

Still, I live in captivity. I'm not Billy Goat. I have no pension. As  
my savings dwindle and my longing to return to the PCT doesn't, I  
sometimes feel sorry I stepped out of the cage. Perhaps it would have  
been better to have remained asleep. I know that's not true, but I  
could have saved up even more money for an even bigger helping of  
true living.

I find myself shopping for more gear. This time I will have something  
to help me walk on the snow in the Sierras so I don't give up. This  
time I'll have a free-standing bug net so I can sleep under the stars  
more often. This time I'll have gear for the Pacific NW rain so I  
don't have to go home in Ashland. This time I'll make it to Canada.  
This time I'll start from my front door instead of Campo so that  
every day I will stand on a crossroads with the PCT.

Then what? I'll probably be completely destroyed by that point.  
Unable to function in captivity. Or maybe I'll finally be cured. It  
remains to be seen. If only I could find a way to live instead of  
survive.

At least I have no boss to tell this time. Just the nagging doubt  
that I should be getting on with my career already, that it's passing  
me by and I'm falling way behind, dooming myself to sweeping and  
burger flipping from here on out. Telling the boss is the easy part.  
He really doesn't care. It's a business relationship. Telling  
yourself might be harder. You have to live with your decisions.

~Piper