[pct-l] Obtaining a leave of absence (from marriage)

[Ikem Freeman]

Jeffery,

That's a tough one ... all the things that Eric the Black said about asking
your boss are going to be the same when it comes to asking your spouce /
family.

For me, the hike was a chance for me to reflect on the end of my 30 year
marriage, and the first time in my adult life that I could actually do
something as crazy as quitting my job and taking 7 months to travel 5,000
miles (biking coast-to-coast and hiking the PCT). Like Eric said, weigh the
impact of your spouce / family saying NO. My mother actually thought that
she could talk me out of making my trek. I had to explain that the very most
dangerous part of the entire trip was the part where she drove me on the
freeway to the airport! Finally, my grown daughter agreed to let me go, as
long as I agreed to take my cellphone with me (it wasn't on my original
equipment list!)

There were a lot of married guys my age on the PCT, and all they could do
was talk about how much they missed their wife, and how excited they were
that their wife was going to be waiting for them at a trailhead in 200
miles! It CAN BE DONE, but I think it takes months if not years, of advance
notice and planning and trade-offs.

I will tell you of a conversation I had with GOOD TIMES at Kennedy Meadows.
He told me that we was going to quit smoking there at KM. I laughed a little
and told him the sad news that it wasn't going to happen ... he wasn't ready
to quit. It wasn't a high enough priority yet (quitting smoking). I went on
to say that hiking the PCT WAS a high enough priority, and he proved it by
being at KM ... and that if quitting became his highest priority, it might
mean that he'd have to get off the trail to make it happen. I don't think he
wanted to hear that, and I have no idea if he ever did either (finish the
PCT or Quit Smoking).

So, is hiking the PCT more important than your marriage? Only you can answer
that. For me, hiking the PCT saved my life! Good luck, and never give up
your dream. Consider section hiking, and get your spouce / family on board
as early as you can, make sure they know you are serious, and I think you
can make it happen!

O. Ikem Sofar

On Sun, Feb 22, 2009 at 12:09 PM, Jeffrey Olson <jolson at olc.edu> wrote:

> Now, how about similar perspectives on how a married person interested
> in long distance hiking tells his or her partner s/he wants to do a five
> month hike when s/he knows the partner has no interest in hiking that
> far, or hiking at all!!!
>
> Jeffrey Olson
> Martin, SD
>
> Erik The Black wrote:
> > Here are a few tips that may help with negotiating a leave of absence
> with
> > your boss:
> >
> > 1) Play out all of the possible outcomes in your head beforehand. What
> will
> > you do if your request is denied? Are there concessions you can make to
> get
> > them to yes? Are you willing to resign? Are you willing to bluff? What
> will
> > you do if your bluff is called?
> >
> > 2) Talk mostly about what the company has to gain by granting your
> request,
> > or what they have to lose if they deny it. Don't make it all about you.
> Make
> > it about them.
> >
> > 3) Have a response prepared for every objection. Don't go in there on
> just a
> > wing and a prayer. Here are some common objections to have answers for:
> >
> > **The Brush Off**
> >
> >       "But we really need you here right now. Can you put it off for
> > another       few years?"
> >
> > **The Veiled Threat**
> >
> >       "The economy is tough right now, many people are unemployed. Are
> you
> > sure you want to give up your job?"
> >
> > **The Guilt Trip**
> >
> >       "How can you do this to us right now? Haven't we always treated you
> > well? Who will do your work while you are gone?"
> >
> > **The Ultimatum**
> >
> >       "I'm sorry, but it's simply not possible at this time. It's beyond
> > my    control."
> >
> > 4) Keep it friendly and professional. Even if your request is denied and
> you
> > have to resign, leave on good terms. Let them know that when you return
> you
> > may be interested in working for them again, and that you will contact
> them
> > at the appropriate time to inquire about their needs.
> >
> > 5) If your request is denied and you are not willing to resign try to get
> > them to agree to a specific date in the future, like the following year.
> And
> > hold them to it!
> >
> > You never want to leave the negotiation table without getting something,
> > even if it's not exactly what you really wanted. If you walk out
> > empty-handed you will have set a precedent and established yourself as
> > someone who can be easily dismissed, and your future requests will carry
> > less weight.
> >
> >
> > Good luck!
> >
> >
> > Erik The Black
> > Author & Publisher
> > Pacific Crest Trail Atlas
> > www.pctatlas.com
> >
> > _______________________________________________
> > Pct-l mailing list
> > Pct-l at backcountry.net
> > http://mailman.backcountry.net/mailman/listinfo/pct-l
> >
>
> _______________________________________________
> Pct-l mailing list
> Pct-l at backcountry.net
> http://mailman.backcountry.net/mailman/listinfo/pct-l
>