[pct-l] Humor - Hiking Relationships

[Hiker97]

I know that humor is like bouncing a basketball through a minefield, but due to repeated requests and my unwavering devotion to serve you:

Our intrepid hero, Grizzly, was down at the local hiker saloon.  His buddy RestStep comes in and says, "Grizzly old buddy you seem to be sad drinking your brew and eating that pizza.  What is wrong?"

Grizzly replies, "Well, my wife and trail partner, TrailDust, we fight all the time.  I don't understand it at all.  Here is what has happened."

She sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping through the channels for a football game.  She asks what was on TV.  I said dust.  That is when the fight started.

The next day she was hinting about what she wanted for  our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 170 in about 3 seconds.'  I said I would get her a scale.  That is when the fight started.

When I got home last night, TrailDust demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.  That is when the fight started.

Last week we were sitting at a table at my high  school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.  TrailDust asked if I knew her.  'Yes,'  I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she  took to drinking right after we split up those many  years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'  'My God!' says TrailDust, 'Who would think a  person could go on celebrating that long?'  That is when the fight started.

The other night she was standing looking in the bedroom mirror.  She was not happy with what she sees and says to me, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'  I said 'Your eyesight's damn near  perfect.'  That is when the fight started.

She was going out to the store and I  tried to talk her into buying a case of Miller Light  for $14.95.  Instead, she bought some cosmetics for $37.95.  She said it makes her look beautiful.  I told her that was what the beer was for and it was cheaper.  That is when the fight started.

I asked her, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"  It warmed my  heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.  "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.  So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"  That is when the fight started.

She asked me if a certain dress made her look too big.  I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.  That is when the fight started.

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly  dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the backpack and slipped quietly into the garage to head to my favorite trailhead for some hiking.  As I drove there a torrential downpour started.  The wind was blowing 50  mph, so I headed back home.  I went back into the house, quietly  undressed, and slipped back into bed.  I cuddled  up to TrailDust and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'  She replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out hiking in that?'  That is when the fight started.

Best regards, Switchback the Trail Pirate