Re: [pct-l] Was the thruhike a dream?

["Greg Hummel" <ghummel@hydrogenburner.com>]

Warning! This dream state, that is, questioning the value of everyday life
now that you have experienced an apparent higher state of living on the PCT,
can last for the rest of your life!  I have been reflecting the value of my
life versus the PCT for the last 22 years!

I am just now coming to appreciate the value of my family and job and other
priorities over the incredible urge to the selfish draw of the state of
living on trail.   It doesn't go away.  I cannot stand on any trail, put on
any backpack, view any great natural scene without feeling this draw.  I try
to convey it to others and none understand, except, of course, you.  You
understand.  You have walked in my shoes and I in yours. (this is why this
list is so great.  It fosters the communication of those that desire to
understand the draw).

I can hear it in Goforth's vivid description of Marmots.

I try to resurrect the vivid state of living in my every day life, but the
multitudes of distractions cause such a diverse focus that the memories do
not get registered like those on the trail.  At the end of the trail, one
day short of the border, I could remember where I had camped and what I had
done every day since I left the Mexican border, nearly six months before.
Now, I cannot remember in vivid detail what I have done six months ago, nor
even three months ago.

Without the distractions, you are able to focus on the animals, the trees,
the water, the stars, your priorities, life, death, getting married or
staying single, kids or no kids, career, family, etc., etc. and these are
set into your memory so clearly, so vividly.  These clear  memories come
rushing back at the smallest trigger in their deep colored exquisiteness,
over and over, forming this dream like environment.  After a while it starts
to make you wonder.    What the hell am I doing with my life?  Why aren't
the memories of my current life so vivid?  A few are:  my adopted son, aged
4 years being handed to my younger adopted son, one day old, and looking up
at me with tears in his eyes and asking "was this how I came to you?", the
birth of a daughter and another son, several great trips, climbs.  But why
not everyday as on the PCT?

This teaches me to simplify, remove the distractions, turn off the TV, the
radio, the alarm clock, the computer (oops!).  The memories will become more
vivid, life more valuable, I will remember more, forget less.  So easy to
say, so difficult to enforce.

I ramble, I stumble, I continue on my journey.  Manning Park was but just
one destination, not the first, not the last.

Greg "Strider" Hummel

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