[pct-l] Camping Tips

["Tom Simon" <simontom@cgocable.net>]

It's getting to that time of the year when some of us take local trips and
end up in, ugh, campgrounds. Here are some pointers.
CAMPING HINTS:

  A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A
  hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between
  your toes.

  Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to
  stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch,
  however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the
  wilderness experience.

  Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove
  lint from navel before applying the match.

 You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the
 north side of your compass.

  You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing
  into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.

  The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat, should
  never be confused with a gnu paddle, a similar device used by
  Tibetan veterinarians.

  When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you
  something to wipe your nose on.

  Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping:
  Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other
  ear, do not go into the woods alone.

  A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

  A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side
  dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an
  excellent hockey puck.

  In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by
  shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic
  waistband of your underwear.

  The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes
  excellent kindling.

  The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations.
  The sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the
  eagle.

  Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly
  country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.

  In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to
  strangle a snoring tent mate.


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