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[pct-l] re: BIG shoe question

  One of the little known facts about Einstein's development of his Theory of
Relativity occured when he was working in the patent office.  After a
particularly long day of standing at the counter - arguing with a would-be
inventor of a better mousetrap that used a random method of setting off the
trap, which provoked Einstein to say "God does not play dice with mice" - he
went home to his small apartment, removed his shoes and quickly noticed the
rapidly expanding smell emanating from his feet.  The gas filled the room in
seconds.  In a flash of brillance, Einstein realized that the "original heat"
of his sweaty feet accounted for the rapid rate of acceleration, since the mass
of the gas was too weak to escape the gravity of his massive feet without the
aid of some externally applied energy source.  Being the careful scientist, he
also noticed strange "dark matter" between his toes which appeared to possibly
be the source of the smell; however, he gave no more thought to this as it
disappeared when he placed his aching, swollen feet into a warm footbath.  The
problem was left to a future generation of scientists/thru-hikers to ponder.
  Also, one of Einstein's unpublished "thought experiments" dealt with one of
the great debates in the thru-hiking community, but as he was so far ahead of
his time, this experiment would also have to wait for future generations to
build the 2000 mile long footpaths necessary to conduct the experiments.  It
was also thought at the time that willing subjects for the experiment would not
be available, as no sane person would walk such incredible distances with a
heavy load for no reason other than scientific curiosity, and there was some
effort to train chimpanzees to do the job, before the entire project fell by
the wayside as being too absurd, though construction of the proposed
"accelerators" did proceed under the disguise of the National Scenic Trails
Act.  
  Basically, Einstein imagined 2 thru-hikers traveling the same speed at
first, that they would be able to conduct conversation and share such sensory
experiences as body odors.  Their relationship to the land they were traveling
through was such that they would age less than the persons who watched them go
by, who were relatively inert; this shared Energy (E=mc2, where the mass of the 
hikers and the speed at which they traveled was similiar) would create a
special gravitational field between the 2 hikers, and they would be bonded as
long their rate of acceleration towards the speed of light was the same.  This
would theoretically be manifested in the subjects as a feeling of shared
spiritualality and comradeship, and a growing emotional distance from the
observers on the side as well as proportionately growing instances of the
side-effects of the acceleration process, such as missing trail signs and a
general blurring of the landscape.  Unfortunately, Einstein underestimated the
gravitational force of the trailside towns; these "dark holes" (which at first,
he adamently opposed the possibility of their existence, but later in life
would admit was his greatest failure as a scientist) threatened to pull the
hikers off their projected path forever.  Further experiments in this area have
shown, though, that hikers could indeed escape the trailtowns gravitational
field IF they consumed enormous masses of the trailtown, thus adding energy in
their bid to escape.  This led to the Curved Space theory, that the shortest
route between 2 points (in this case, Mexico and Canada) was not a straight
line, as previously thought, but a curved line; one glance at the Pacific Crest
Trail as illustrated in a Rand-McNally atlas will verify this theory.  Another
unexpected effect of the trailtowns was a weakening of the bond between the 2
hikers, as one of the hikers while de-accelerating would notice roses for the
first time, as they were previously percieved as pink and red blurs, which
would result in said subject's intentions to smell more roses instead of the
other subjects odors.  Even today, most current research is focused along the
lines of an ideal rate of acceleration on the path and the strength of the
gravitational fields between the subjects.
  My own experiments along the accelerator path produced many enlightening
results, but alas, I noticed no increase in the size of my feet at all, which
were size 10 all the way.  I did have a few occurances of blisters (this has
led to the Bubble Theory of the Origin of Everything) which hampered my rate of
acceleration only briefly.  Also, I observed the sheer numbers of subjects
at the Mexican point (this led to the Wave Theory of the Origin of Everything)
but there was a quick merging with the Bubble Theory which not only diminished
the size of the Wave considerably, but showed that these 2 previously
incapatible theories indeed do have a common ground.  More research is set to
be conducted this spring.
  Yesterday, I was the unsuspecting subject of yet another experiment in the
Foot Expansion Theory.  Using quick acceleration, simple gravity and body
weight, I applied a tremendous force to the mass of my right ankle and indeed
it has swollen.  Unfortunately, this has greatly affected my research into my
favorite form of winter acceleration, that being skiing.  However, it will give
me the chance to conduct my research into Foot Reduction Theory.  Thus far, my
experiment is following the previously proven path of Cold (ice), Compression
(Ace Bandage) and Elevation (putting my foot up while I sit on my butt), along
with the use of special chemicals (aspirin et al) to relieve the unpleasant
side-effect of pain.  Though my plans are for only a short experiment, due to
the insidious nature of depression as a result of such rapid de-acceleration, I
will probably use hiking boots instead of athletic shoes when backpacking later
this spring and summer in an effort to avoid any further surprise experiments
of this nature.

Alan

P.S.  I thought the "Tree" e-mail was hilarious; oh, well...

>>Mark,
>>
>>I have size 14 feet and thru hiked in '77.  I wore size 14 boots throughout
>>and never had any problem, no toe blisters from the foot spreading out as
>>some have apparently experienced.  Maybe big feet already distribute the
>>stress more widely and therefor are not subject to similar expansion of
>>smaller feet.  I call this the "Foot Expansion Theory".
> 
>Greg, I've heard of this theory. If there is not enough mass in your foot,
>it may continue to expand forever. If your foot does have enough mass, it
>is doomed to ultimatley collapse into itself as a point with infinite mass
>(the big crunch). This theory is difficult to test though because it takes
>billions of years, well beyond the life expectency of the average human.
> 
>Thanks for the comment, mark
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