[pct-l] Re: Southern Backpacker

[dkwoods33 at yahoo.com (david woods)]

Mr. Ground Pounder,
 
Did I say Plucker? Another typo. Oh well.
 
It looks like Switchback spent the day yesterday either out lining up chicken suppliers or else in the garage working on another of his top secret super ultra nano-weight hiking inventions. We all sit on the edges of our chairs awaiting his latest.  
 
When one takes into consideration Thru Hikers, Day Hikers, Section Hikers, and other trail users, the Trail Chicken requirements will be staggering. You will need to set up a regular Chicken Boot Camp (CBC) to fulfill the demand. I'll bet you never thought you would end up (with all due respect) being a Chicken D.I. (CDI). We may have to give you one of those fancy military titles like CINPAC (Commander in Chief, Pacific Fleet). Let's see. How about CINPCTCBC or maybe CDIPCTCBC. These are both a bit hard to pronounce but if will insure you get the trail respect you will deserve as a key figure in the ultra lite-weight hiking revolution.
 
As far as plucking goes, I am betting on the creative genius of Switchback to solve the problem by inventing the featherless chicken. Think of the advantages! No mess to clean up an pack out and no plucking. Of course we may have to supply small ultra-lite rain gear and down jackets (re-usable of course) to prevent having to revert to carrying our food supply after the occasional overnight trail freeze. Per JMT Metzger, the little fellows can huddle under the hem of our ankle length overcoat or sleeping bag during cold weather marches.
 
All in all, I think the self propelled food supply idea is going to be a BIG WINNER as soon as you trail innovators work out the small (or smell) problems.
 
Dave Woods
Trail Foul Correspondent & New Technology Adopter.
 
"What me Worry" - Alfred E. Newman
 


----- Original Message ----
From: Bill Frenette <tahoe.cat@verizon.net>
To: david woods <dkwoods33@yahoo.com>
Cc: pct-l@mailman.backcountry.net
Sent: Sunday, March 26, 2006 10:17:19 AM
Subject: Re: [pct-l] Re: Southern Backpacker


Hey  Is there going to be a class on "Chicken Plucking " at Trail Fest? 
Thing is, I don't know if chickens will be ready for this year since I 
haven't got any yet to train. Lets See Day Hikers, Section Hikers, 
Thru-Hikers. How many chickens we going to need per year?  It would be 
easier to train Hikers to set snares to catch "Rabbits" during the night 
while you sleep. Clean it in the morning and have it for lunch and dinner. 
Have more water for breakfast.  No Chickens, No Training, No Pluckers? Catch 
a Rabbit!! Remember  "Be Prepared"   Ground Pounder Bill   "Semper Fi" 
PS   No Chicken Plucker Here!
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "david woods" <dkwoods33@yahoo.com>
To: "PCTL" <pct-l@mailman.backcountry.net>
Cc: <hiker97@aol.com>
Sent: Sunday, March 26, 2006 8:24 AM
Subject: [pct-l] Re: Southern Backpacker


> Mr. Switchback,
>
> Your list reminds me of Larry the Cable Guy's two hour show on Comedy 
> central last night. Most of what he said is not repeatable on a family 
> board like this even disregarding copyright issues.
>
> He did mentioned that his sister has a lewd tattoo on the back of her head 
> that says something about letting go of her ears. He says she is already 
> 14 and she is lucky they didn't take her kids away from her. Sounds like 
> she got a late start for a southern girl.
>
> Yes, humor is important on the PCT especially when your last chicken has 
> altitude sickness and a bum knee and you are still 4 days from the next 
> coop/Mini-Mart. Did you ever try to put a knee brace on a sick chicken?
>
> Dave Woods
> Camp Foul Humorist and Chicken Plucker
>
> "What me Worry" - Alfred E. Newman
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Hiker97 at aol.com  wrote:
> I have lived in the South and loved  it.  I have had a child born there. 
> I
> consider myself southern in  some respects.  Southern male backpackers on 
> the
> PCT are a little different  and like seasoned backpackers, it is good to 
> know
> them a little better.  Top 30 things you'll never hear a southern hiker 
> say on
> the PCT or in a  trail town:
>
> 30. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.
> 29. I'll take  Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
> 28. Duct tape won't fix that.
> 27. Come to  think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
> 26. We don't keep firearms in this  house.
> 25. You can't feed that to the dog.
> 24. No kids in the back of the  pickup, it's just not safe.
> 23. Wrestling's fake.
> 22. We're  vegetarians.
> 21. Do you think my gut is too big?
> 20. I'll have grapefruit  and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
> 19. Honey, we don't need another  dog.
> 18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?
> 17. Give me the small bag  of pork rinds.
> 16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
> 15. I just  couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
> 14. Trim the fat off that  steak.
> 13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
> 12. The tires on that  truck are too big.
> 11. I've got it all on the C: drive.
> 10. Unsweetened  tea tastes better.
> 9. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
> 8.  I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
> 7. Checkmate.
> 6. She's too  young to be wearing a bikini.
> 5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we  haven't seen.
> 4. I don't have a favorite college team.
> 3. You All.
> 2.  Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.
> 1. Nope, no more for me.  I'm driving.
>
> Your hiking buddy, Switchback
> Trail Fest Presenter & Bamboozler
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