[pct-l] Solo Woes

[StoneDancer1 at aol.com (StoneDancer1@aol.com)]

Except for the first part of the Trail, until about Wrightwood, I hiked the  
entire Trail alone.  I rarely saw other hikers, and except at places like  
Tuolumne Meadows, Kennedy Meadows, etc... where hikers congregated... I spent  
every night by myself.  
 
I can remember only two times when I felt lonely... one night above  
Cottonwood Creek in the Mojave, and one above Jawbone Canyon.  I found the  solitude 
and the utter self-reliance to be marvelous and exhilarating.  I  learned just 
how unlonely being alone can be.
 
That being said, it may not be for everyone.  When you have all day,  every 
day, the mind roams where it will.  
 
This is from my writings:
 
 
When I first start  walking my mind is full of thoughts.  I think  about how 
this or  that muscle hurts, how heavy the pack is, how steep the hill is, how 
far is it  to water, where will I have lunch, how many miles do I have to go 
today, and  just where is that toilet paper ? you know the stuff.  After 
awhile, I get the rhythm, and my  mind starts to float; thoughts without order or 
relevance come and go? movies  I've seen and would like to see again? books 
I've read and want to read again?  poetry I've read or written? people I know? 
people on the trail? old friends  that have come and gone? places I've been? 
songs play? scenes from movies roll?  conversations are repeated? things I 
wish I had done or hadn't? or said? or  didn't? Matters Philosophic? the 
Meaning of Life, both Monty Python?s and my  own.  I compose letters that should  
have been mailed years ago, or perhaps tomorrow.   I wrote this.   
Eventually you have  thought and delved and pried into every cranny of your 
brain, laid bare the  details of your life,  reveled in  every strength, and 
without ruth, exposed every weakness (I call it ?wrestling  with the demons.?). 
 Because I tend  to melancholia, once in a while I run some negative tape 
loops too.  As Nietzsche said, ? The worst enemy you  can encounter will always 
be you, yourself; you lie in wait for yourself in  caves and woods,? and in 
deserts too, and so, the shattered marriage of a man ?  boy really ? far too 
young and inexperienced and selfish to succeed upon a path,  partly chosen, 
partly forced upon him, and the subsequent difficulties of a  single father 
adequately raising two young children, is a common enough  theme.  This was more  
than forty years ago and you?d think I would have long since come to terms  with 
it? and, of course, I have, but the mind has little sense of time and no  
sense of shame.  Left to its own  devices, it will dredge up events of yesterday 
and yesteryear, parading them,  will ye nil ye, through your consciousness with 
equal cheerfulness ? be they  from times of joy or sorrow, strife or 
tranquility, drudgery or ease, poverty or  plenty. 
If  you can  get past all of that...it's Perfect!  (And it   *does* go 
away... eventually.)  Many cannot.  In 2003 I met a solo  hiker... Brian.  We talked 
about solo hiking.  I said, "At least  there's plenty of time to wrestle with 
the demons."  To which he replied,  "That's why I carry a radio."   
"No Way Ray" Echols