[pct-l] trail journals -> trail emotions

[hshires at jps.net (henry shires)]

Excellent topic.  As someone who kept a diary in '99 
(http://homepage.mac.com/hshires/pcthike), and as someone who hiked at least
90% solo, I found my daily journal to be welcome conversation.  At first it
was between me and an Internet audience and then, as the months went by,
between me and a sort of out-of-body me.  The conversation wandered between
pure recount and dream-state impression and truly become a daily companion.
It also happened to reside in my Pocketmail computer which meant I could
review it or file it away as I saw fit.  Every night I would resume the
conversation and every day I would outline the topics for discussion that
night.  As Mexico receded and Canada drew closer, I grew to cherish the
nightly opportunity.

For two years afterwards I could rewind the hike and play it back in my
head.  I remembered--and still do--every camping spot.  I could remember
every valley, every ridge, every river crossing, and every trail meeting.
In "normal" life, I can barely remember what I did yesterday. The intensity
of the hiking experience--I too cried from things both painful and
beautiful--coupled with the continual conversation changed my brain
chemistry in a way that no experience before or after has or will every do.

For those contemplating a thruhike, or even a section hike, keep a journal.
Share it with us if you see fit but make it part of your daily routine.  You
will be amply rewarded.

Henry


> ------------------------------
>
> Message: 5
> Date: Sat, 17 May 2003 21:55:24 -0600
> From: Jeffrey Olson <jjolson@uwyo.edu>
> Subject: Re: [pct-l] trail journals -> trail emotions
> To: pct-l@backcountry.net
> Message-ID: <001b01c31cf1$4ff5a2e0$e6334881@uwyo.edu>
> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=Windows-1252
>
> This is a fascinating topic.  When I've done section hikes I noticed that
> the younger hikers tended to flock together, mostly to ward off the
> intensity of unfiltered emotions that accompany being alone.
>
> My own experience is that I often hurt intensely as I hike, as I gaze down
> from high passes or up from watered meadows.  Sure there is often physical
> pain, but it is mostly the emotional pain of not being busy, of having no
> business to attend to.  For myself, there is an emotional dimension that is
> flattened by the busyness of day to day life, a dimension that grows to
> immense proportions as I hike alone.
>
> It is my guess that every person spending more than a month on the trail
> battles emotional demons of one sort or another.  What gets us through in my
> experience is unique and individual - no generalizations.
>
> Some have described hiking the PCT as a pilgramage (sp?) or a life changing
> experience.  I wonder if this mostly doesn't come from being alone for days
> on end.
>
> My brother, A Buddhist monk these last 12 years, tells the story of hiking
> alone in the Himalayas when he was in his early 20s.  Day after day he would
> hike up a 4000' moraine, and then down, up and down.  No trees, no way to
> hide from the incredible beauty in which he found himself.  He said he found
> himself weeping a couple times a day.  The pure majesty and pristine rock
> and ice and water and endless mountains - it was overwhelming.
>
> As he shared his story with friends later in life, a wise woman friend
> (self-described crone) told him he was the first man she'd known to respond
> to beauty in this way.  She said that most men get angry when emotionally
> overwhelmed, and narrow their view and focus to what's right in front of
> them.  To get to the next town stop, or the top of the pass - this is a way
> of getting through, to avoid being driven off the trail by unfamiliar, very
> uncomfortable emotions.
>
> Maybe for a public journal it is easier to talk about the familiar.  I
> remember reading Cindy Ross' book, a Journey along the crest, and feeling
> uncomfortable with the emotional focus of her narrative.  I looked at my
> response and realized the story hit a nerve.
>
> I have a hard time reading my journal of a solo 35 day section hike when my
> girlfriend backed out to take a new job.  Mostly it was a talking through of
> huge emotions that made me wonder about my sanity, my balance.  Now I see
> that trip was a gift and I treasure a week alone in the wilderness.  I'm not
> sure I want to hike more than that alone again though...
>
> Jeff Olson
> Laramie, Wyoming - where graduation - the rite of spring in our small town -
> was today.  2000 graduates and their families traipsing across campus,
> another kind of beauty...