[pct-l] trail journals -> trail emotions

[jjolson at uwyo.edu (Jeffrey Olson)]

This is a fascinating topic.  When I've done section hikes I noticed that
the younger hikers tended to flock together, mostly to ward off the
intensity of unfiltered emotions that accompany being alone.

My own experience is that I often hurt intensely as I hike, as I gaze down
from high passes or up from watered meadows.  Sure there is often physical
pain, but it is mostly the emotional pain of not being busy, of having no
business to attend to.  For myself, there is an emotional dimension that is
flattened by the busyness of day to day life, a dimension that grows to
immense proportions as I hike alone.

It is my guess that every person spending more than a month on the trail
battles emotional demons of one sort or another.  What gets us through in my
experience is unique and individual - no generalizations.

Some have described hiking the PCT as a pilgramage (sp?) or a life changing
experience.  I wonder if this mostly doesn't come from being alone for days
on end.

My brother, A Buddhist monk these last 12 years, tells the story of hiking
alone in the Himalayas when he was in his early 20s.  Day after day he would
hike up a 4000' moraine, and then down, up and down.  No trees, no way to
hide from the incredible beauty in which he found himself.  He said he found
himself weeping a couple times a day.  The pure majesty and pristine rock
and ice and water and endless mountains - it was overwhelming.

As he shared his story with friends later in life, a wise woman friend
(self-described crone) told him he was the first man she'd known to respond
to beauty in this way.  She said that most men get angry when emotionally
overwhelmed, and narrow their view and focus to what's right in front of
them.  To get to the next town stop, or the top of the pass - this is a way
of getting through, to avoid being driven off the trail by unfamiliar, very
uncomfortable emotions.

Maybe for a public journal it is easier to talk about the familiar.  I
remember reading Cindy Ross' book, a Journey along the crest, and feeling
uncomfortable with the emotional focus of her narrative.  I looked at my
response and realized the story hit a nerve.

I have a hard time reading my journal of a solo 35 day section hike when my
girlfriend backed out to take a new job.  Mostly it was a talking through of
huge emotions that made me wonder about my sanity, my balance.  Now I see
that trip was a gift and I treasure a week alone in the wilderness.  I'm not
sure I want to hike more than that alone again though...

Jeff Olson
Laramie, Wyoming - where graduation - the rite of spring in our small town -
was today.  2000 graduates and their families traipsing across campus,
another kind of beauty...