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[pct-l] Vertical Limit



Not exactly PCT-related, but thought the community might nonetheless
enjoy the following movie review.

Things You Can Learn from "Vertical Limit", the
mountaineering-adventure movie:

If a monsoon is approaching the Himalayan Mountains but has a 50%
chance of swinging to the south of you, it's reasonable to push on for
a summit bid up K2.

K2 climbing teams start their expeditions out of basecamp by riding a
helicopter to a spot partway up the mountain.

An appropriate technique for exiting a helicopter is to have the
aircraft unsteadily flutter ten feet above a narrow bench on a vertical
rock cliff, then climb out the side door, grasp a landing foot, thrash
and gyrate your legs, then swing off as if you are dismounting a
trapeze.

Female climbers on major climbing expeditions keep their hair freshly
washed, sport fashionably-tied bandanas, and wear eyeliner and lipstick
at all times.

The main purpose of glacier goggles in Himalayan climbing is to be
propped up on your forehead to make you look chic.

Himalayan climbers are never seen with zinc oxide on their face or
sunscreen in their ears or nostrils.

The main purpose of a climbing helmet is for protection while jumping
across a 40'-wide chasm as you grasp two ice axes and windmill your
arms to thunk into a vertical wall of ice on the opposite side.

On Saturday nights, the main tent at the 19,000' basecamp at K2 is
converted into a singles' bar, and is jammed with an international mob
of swingers drinking rum & cokes with ice cubes.

If you are belaying an ascending partner, the proper command to shout
when he reaches the top of the pitch is "Belay On!"

If you are rock climbing up a vertical cliff, and a 2-man climbing team
directly above you falls, their rope will likely clip into your
carabiners on the way down and result in them precipitously dangling
from the harness of your bottom climber.

If you are swept into a crevasse by an avalanche and summarily buried,
you will still be able to communicate to basecamp six miles away and
7,000' below via your walkie-talkie.

A good approach strategy for a six-man rescue team is to split up into
groups of two and take three different routes to a rendezvous point. 
Two of the routes will be on glacier and will be traveled unroped; the
other route will be up a vertical rock buttress and will be climbed
while wearing crampons.  If the victims are as low as 26,000'
elevation, your rescue team will not need bottled oxygen.

If you are trying to rescue a fellow climbing trio who are trapped in a
crevasse, a suitable method would be to blow apart the glacier with
self-detonating nitroglycerin explosive devices stolen from the
Pakistani army.  Should that method fail, the backup strategy would be
to lower a rope into the crevasse, have all three victims clip into the
rope at once, and pull them out while unanchored.  No pulley system
need be set up; instead, emphatically grunting and groaning will
sufficiently aid in hauling them out with brute strength.

If any of the nitroglycerin fluid accidentally drips onto your climbing
boot, you should gingerly undo the lacing, slip the boot off of your
foot, then hurl it onto an icefield to make it explode with a roiling
mushroom cloud of orange & black flame.

Snow leopards leave footprints in snow in the pattern of an animal with
a "pacing" [i.e. waddling] gait, such as an oppossum or skunk.

--Charlie Manson
PCT '90

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