[pct-l] Most Common Causes of Thru-Dropout

[Diane Soini of Santa Barbara Hikes]

On Sep 29, 2011, at 10:00 AM, pct-l-request at backcountry.net wrote:
>  It wasn't until I either (a)
> had a near death experience, or (b) was taking in a breathtaking  
> view, that
> I felt alone.  During the near death experiences (almost sliding  
> off a cliff
> (x6), sliding downhill towards a freezing lake, having half my body  
> fall
> into a crevasse, falling down a waterfall when lost several miles  
> off trail,
> yada yada yada) I became instantly and vividly aware that I was  
> alone, and
> that only I could save myself.

Yeah, that was the strangest thing for me. I think I felt that way a  
lot more than I thought I did because I would have this curious thing  
happen to me. When I got into town and got a meal it was like that  
commercial where the snowman turns into a little boy while eating a  
bowl of soup. It was like the world went from black and white to in  
color. Often, by about halfway through the meal, I would be sobbing.  
Being solo was HARD. I think a lot more things scared me than I let  
myself feel. Plus being halfway starving all the time didn't help  
even when things were easy. I think that was also part of it.

By the way, I hiked solo outside of the herd on my second time  
around. I really was all alone out there, often not seeing another  
person for days. I really enjoyed that, actually, and when I've gone  
back and hiked within the herd it's bugged me there are so many  
chatty people sometimes.


> But it was when I had all that beauty and wonder and magic all  
> around me --
> as far as the eye can see and as deep as the heart can feel --  
> that's when I
> really felt the most alone.  I was so sad that I had no one present  
> to share
> it with (a rare feeling for me).

Me, too. But it wasn't so much I wanted another person there with me.  
What I really wanted was for my partner, Trailhacker, to be here  
alone just like me to see this. It wasn't just the great view or  
whatever, it was the great view AND the solitude. I really wanted to  
share both.

It killed me when he sprained his ankle last April. This is why.

Diane