[pct-l] Chaos On The PCT

[Tow, Doug]

PCT PARTICIPANT PANIC OFFICIALLY SETS IN
 
Western United States - With the arrival of March, the low fever of a
few has developed into a full-blown panic of hundreds, as hikers
anticipate and prepare for their Pacific Crest Trail departure.  Rumors
abound of grown men and women sleeping on the floor, walking in the
freezing rain, and packing and repacking their gear.
 
Homeland security has gone to alert Orange in response to email chatter
about "resupply buckets," "bounce boxes," and, most alarming of all, the
best way to "protect my pack" at airport check-in.  In an attempt not to
alert authorities, suspects are advising their adherents to avoid flying
with Bic lighters, hexamine tablets, and isobutane.  There appears to be
an indecipherable code in use nicknamed
ADZPCTKOMYGODMYPACKCANTWEIGHSEVENTEENFRIGGINPOUNDSOMGOMGOMG.
 
Paranormal activity is on the rise as well.  Incredible stories of
"angels" and "beautiful oases in the desert" and feet spontaneously
growing as much as 2 1/2 sizes are rampant.
 
"I don't know what's going on," commented San Diego grocery store owner
Sal Fishburn, "but I got these wild-eyed people asking how long my
tortillas stay fresh.  How should I know?  Don't folks just buy them and
eat them?  Then, those loonies see how many of them they can stuff in
this big blue plastic keg thingie.  Geez!"
 
Shroomer, Steel-Eye, and Halfmile, whose real names are being withheld
pending notification of next of kin, have made valiant attempts to calm
raw nerves, to no avail.
 
byline Doug Tow
 
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