[pct-l] After Action Report - 2011 Walker Pass Food Ruck

[hiker97 at aol.com]

Yes, once again your PCT hero and trail raconteur, privateer, and notorious trail knave, Switchback, has cheated death once again.  This time at the famous Walker Pass Food Ruck.  Copious amounts of fun were had by all.  Meadow Ed and trail angel friends put on another great event.  Angels included Crash, Yogi, Two-Legs, Captain Bivy, Walk Slow-Walk Far, Warner Springs Monte, and others.  Over 100 famished thru-hikers and big section hikers were treated to excellent foods and drink.  Many said they dreamed on the trail about getting to the Ruck.  They were not disappointed.
 
The Long Suffering Mrs. Switchback, Max the Wonder Dog and myself left Loss Wages on Thursday to go across Death Valley to Lone Pine and the Dow Villas Motel.  Turns out the room would be ready in a few hours, so we headed up to Bishop for lunch at the Erick Schat’s Bakkery.  I picked up two tubs of cookies for the Ruck.  We returned to Lone Pine and I relaxed in our room.  Later that night I hit the hot tub to relax some more.  I am an expert in relaxing and goofing off.
 
On Friday morning we head across the street to a local diner for an excellent breakfast.  They make pies there in 12 inch tins.  They are gigantic and cost $27.00.   The High Sierra Cafe next to the Dow is closed (later I learn the store and gas station at Onyx is closed too --- more of our central government economic fumbling).  Then it was a side trip to Ridgecrest to pick up some donuts.  This year I brought olive oil cooked popcorn and chips from Trader's Joe too.  Next year I am going back to just bringing donuts.  They are by far the most popular item.
 
We drive over to the Ruck to see everyone.  Lots of fun.  A ton of hikers were there.  I unload all the goodies I brought and set up my table and chairs and pirate flag.  Then we continue on down to Kernville and checked into the Whispering Pines Bed & Breakfast along the Kern River.  Both Max and Mrs. Switchback like the Friday and Saturday campsite.  Our room overlooks the river and the sound comes right into the room.  Very nice.  We drive up the Kern River to see the sights with the massive water running out of the Sierras.  Later that evening we eat an excellent fish dinner at Erwings overlooking the river.
 
On Saturday morning we have a breakfast at the motel.  It is very good and bottomless.  Later after a 10 AM - 2 PM meritorious combat nap, I head up to the Ruck at Walker Pass with some crushed ice.  I hang around and goof off talking to folks.  Then it is back to Kernville.  Saturday afternoon we eat over at Cheryl's diner.  This is a place that has fourth generation family working there.  Good food and a local atmosphere.   
 
Later that day after another nap I again head up to Walker Pass.  I eat some of Yogi's birthday cake for Meadow Ed.  She also made her world famous lemon cake.  I had some of both.  I announce to all present that I will now demonstrate Switchback's World Famous Dehydrated Water.  I poured half a bottle of water into at Styrofoam cup, and then turned it upside down.  Nothing came out.  The hikers were amazed.  They were astounded.  They were overwhelmed.  They were shocked.  The men were in awe and admiration.  And the women were shooting admiring glances my way.  They instinctively know I am prime hiker trash of the first order.  The kind of man they would love to call their own and be seen with.  Mrs. Switchback will have to watch out for these young hiker women and their plans for me.
 
On Sunday morning after the buffet breakfast at the motel, we head to Walker Pass to pick up my table and chairs and pirate flags.  When we get there everyone cleaning up and most of the hikers have left to head north.  I give Meadow Ed a Kern River T-shirt for his birthday.  I notice Yogi cleaning up everything and wiping down my table --- outstanding.  After saying goodbyes we head back to Loss Wages for a Sunday afternoon arrival.  After unloading the SUV, I immediately head over to the barber shop for a nice hair cut and then popped next door for a deluxe spa pedicure.  After these rough adventures I deserve some pampering and personal service to recover.  My sacrifices for the trail and hikers is just one of my many unselfish and humble characteristics.
 
Faithfully recorded and accurately scribed, your obedient servant and trail knave ---
 
Switchback the Trail Pirate