[pct-l] Hiking Disorder....CHD vs MHD

Mon Feb 14 18:27:34 CST 2011

Mr. Shroomer,

As agreed upon I am writing to you with a progress report on Patient UL-7.6,
trail name: "Jackass". I have taken the time to transcribe the pertinent
minutes of today's session with UL-7.6 below, in his own words, to
demonstrate the effectiveness of "The Treatment".:

" Today is a good day, doc.

The past week I had been suffering from an acute case of Feb-itis. Due to a
previous outbreak last year at this same time I was quick to recognize the
"itis" as it set in on me. My energy was low, my mood turbid as the clouds
that had oppressively settled onto the mountain peaks out my window. My eyes
had swollen to mere slits from squinting, my finger tips calloused. My once
bronzed skin had taken on a frightful sallow color. I did not recognize and
found myself a stranger in my mirror without that once magnificent gray and
brown flowing beard that had graced these now sunken cheeks. Muscular
atrophy had set in and the tendons in my piston strong legs felt like spent
rubber bands. It felt as though gravel had been poured into my joints. My
mid-section increasing at an alarming rate, now turgid, I wondered aloud,
'am I retaining water?' I found myself short of breath as I climbed the
stairs to my cloister and I even began to consider carrying a GG carbon
fiber trekking pole to make these climbs easier on my swollen knees.

My mental state was in shambles and I was at a loss for succor from my old
standby solutions to these dark thoughts. No longer did checking gear sites
for new and lighter equipment relive my malaise. Patching my old pack
brought me no joy. Watching Squatch's videos only brought tears to my
already swollen eyes...and when I brushed last years dust from my Lowas...I
collapsed into a fit of sobbing that frightened my lovely gal...I'll tell ya
doc., hard times...hard times...

Now doc. I'll tell ya sumptin else. As you know this will be my seventh
summer since you diagnosed me with CHD and as you also know, I rarely have a
crisis eight month out of the year... but when this flare-up of Feb-itis set
in, I thought I was done for. That's when I dug deep and remembered the sage
words of my gracious sponsor, Shroomer. Now doc. I know ya heard this all
before but at my lowest moment I heard my friends voice, like it was from on
high. It began as a faint whisper that grew to a manic roar... repeating,
repeating with vigor, "work your steps, work your steps, it gets better!" In
my crippling despair, my darkest moment...I reached deep...deep into that
hiker soul that burns within me...and found the strength to rouse myself
from my pillow...and doc. I clung to my friends burning call...I began
workin them steps!

I stepped to my closet and found some wool garments. I stepped into my
NorthFace boots and tied them snug. I grabbed hold of my honey and stepped
her out the door. I stepped into my snowshoes and fastened the bindings
tight. I took a few deep breaths...and here it comes doc....I started
steppin my way up the back valley towards the crest of crags east of my
home. Now I know yer not gunna believe this but at that moment the sun broke
from behind a peak on that crest. Shone down on us in all its warmth and
beauty with an intensity that kindled the coals of my being. With each step
I could feel this Feb-itis receding into the recesses of my conflicted
soul.  Before long my gal and I had stepped all the way to the trails end,
the crest's knife edge. The jagged Wasatch range lay before us awash in snow
and sun. A lone Raven, on the wing, called down to us in that moment and
doc....I knew what he was squawkin at me, as if cawed in tongue..."Spring,
Spring, Spring"...in my heart I knew that from his lofty height within that
gleaming sun, he could see it. Spring was cummin. It was cummin doc. And at
that moment I felt a release as if that Feb-itis was a demon cast out of my
body by the hand of the Trail God; cast upon the frigid winds that now drew
tears from my once crusted eyes. Tears of joy in the knowledge that this
winter would end. The red and green and purple flowers of the prickly pear
would soon begin to bud, the Utah bees would waken from their slumber and
would soon lay drunkenly in those flowers...stoned in the warmth of spring's
sun.

Now doc. I know that kickin this 'itis' doesn't mean that I'm cured of my
CHD...Hell, I may never be cured. Yet I know it...like that spectral lone
voice of my sponsor...like I knew the message of the Raven...like I know the
feel of the trail tread beneath my feet...that if I keep workin my steps,
it'll get easier...just a little easier...and doc....that's all I'm askin
for."

Regards,
Dr. Bill E. Goat, D.D.

Jackass

On Mon, Feb 14, 2011 at 1:32 PM, Gerry Zamora <gerry0625 at gmail.com> wrote:

> I think im coming down with cwtgotft syndrome.  Getting the shakes and
> crazy
> thoughts of sleeping in the backyard.
> On Feb 14, 2011 12:26 PM, "Cheryl Christensen" <cherylbyfaith at gmail.com>
> wrote:
> > Hhhhmmmmmmmmmm...............
> >
> > It's even worse than I thought...
> >
> > You people are in serious, possibly fatal, denial...
> >
> > Dr. Yoshi, come quick! You are their only hope!
> >
> >
> > On 14 February 2011 11:54, Scott Williams <baidarker at gmail.com> wrote:
> >
> >> Yes JMT Reinhold, I think you were on the cutting edge of it's diagnosis
> >> way
> >> back in 2008. MHD/CHD has probably been around for most of our human
> >> history as we traipsed around the globe. But a step program may be the
> >> final cure for many of us. 6 million steps and you're fixed! Until next
> >> summer that is. It's obviously recurrent on a seasonal basis.
> >>
> >> Step one: Admitted I was powerless against that black bear cub and his
> >> mother who want the food I've so conveniently left next to my sleeping
> bag.
> >>
> >>
> >> Step two: Came to believe that a power greater than Smiles climbing
> Mather
> >> pass ahead of me, could restore me to sanity.
> >>
> >> Step three: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to
> Mango,
> >> as long as he stays upright when crossing streams.
> >>
> >> Step four: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of everyone
> >> else's
> >> hiking styles and gear.
> >>
> >> Step five..............
> >>
> >> I need a doctor!!!!!!!!
> >>
> >> Shroomer
> >> _______________________________________________
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